I am one. Not all.

Today I feel like I've won something, somehow. A new gift has arisen. And it feels so soft and gentle to me, so I wanted to have an opportunity to scribe it here, in the energy of gifting and sharing. 
It is peace. It is what I've always strived for and prayed for. Peace was something I remember as a child. I remember playing in peace, or thinking in peace. Things were already tended to, and if they weren't you had no recall or vision to what that might become, as far as problems. As though there is a pleasant ignorance in bliss, and bliss in ignorance. 
And when you get to be around my age, of 38, you think. Where did all that energy go? What childlike quality has been missing so long? 
But it wasn't missing, I was growing up from it. Becoming an adult, finding my way and my passions through my dreams. And you need to gain a perspective of responsibility, don't you? I did. I became responsible in ways and completely opposite in others. I declined any resemblance to self care for a decade or so,  but had a lot of fun doing it. And now I'm  here. Without mistreatment, but a little, new.
New in the aspect that I'm looking around my inner world and checking boxes. Responsibility, check. Age old charismsa, check. Talent and virtue, check. What about fun within tribute though? Weren't we meant to play as artists? As healers, as psychics. As natural people? 
We all have so many parts to us, but do we really? Or are we just parts of a greater aspect? Are we meant to turn away from pieces of us to become more?
I'm starting to feel a bit empty and used without that childlike quality. The part of me that wanted to explore and do things, just because.
Just because it's fun, or it might be. It also might not be, but where's the sense of adventure in locking something away that didn't work out once?
The thing that didn't work out for me once was public speaking. I was tremendously shy and awkward, so I assumed it wasn't my thing. 
But now I do it for a living. And although I've achieved a sermon or two in my day, as poetry, this seems a bit different. As though I couldn't have listened deeper if I didn't have the courage and skill to find it.
So, what I'm offering here, is an opportunity for myself to say, I needed all of me. All of my pain, my party years, my dedication to having a hard heart, and the journey toward healing. And after a while I needed to let that go too; if I'm forever healing, then where's the fun? 
So I'm starting again as though I'm  healed, and without sin. I know I will still have a mistake or two and lesson along the way, but what's wrong with confusion, from time to time?
​I'm not one, I am all.