Today I feel like I've won something, somehow. A new gift has arisen. And it feels so soft and gentle to me, so I wanted to have an opportunity to scribe it here, in the energy of gifting and sharing.
It is peace. It is what I've always strived for and prayed for. Peace was something I remember as a child. I remember playing in peace, or thinking in peace. Things were already tended to, and if they weren't you had no recall or vision to what that might become, as far as problems. As though there is a pleasant ignorance in bliss, and bliss in ignorance.
And when you get to be around my age, of 38, you think. Where did all that energy go? What childlike quality has been missing so long?
But it wasn't missing, I was growing up from it. Becoming an adult, finding my way and my passions through my dreams. And you need to gain a perspective of responsibility, don't you? I did. I became responsible in ways and completely opposite in others. I declined any resemblance to self care for a decade or so, but had a lot of fun doing it. And now I'm here. Without mistreatment, but a little, new.
New in the aspect that I'm looking around my inner world and checking boxes. Responsibility, check. Age old charismsa, check. Talent and virtue, check. What about fun within tribute though? Weren't we meant to play as artists? As healers, as psychics. As natural people?
We all have so many parts to us, but do we really? Or are we just parts of a greater aspect? Are we meant to turn away from pieces of us to become more?
I'm starting to feel a bit empty and used without that childlike quality. The part of me that wanted to explore and do things, just because.
Just because it's fun, or it might be. It also might not be, but where's the sense of adventure in locking something away that didn't work out once?
The thing that didn't work out for me once was public speaking. I was tremendously shy and awkward, so I assumed it wasn't my thing.
But now I do it for a living. And although I've achieved a sermon or two in my day, as poetry, this seems a bit different. As though I couldn't have listened deeper if I didn't have the courage and skill to find it.
So, what I'm offering here, is an opportunity for myself to say, I needed all of me. All of my pain, my party years, my dedication to having a hard heart, and the journey toward healing. And after a while I needed to let that go too; if I'm forever healing, then where's the fun?
So I'm starting again as though I'm healed, and without sin. I know I will still have a mistake or two and lesson along the way, but what's wrong with confusion, from time to time?
I'm not one, I am all.
Opening up to see the light.
Dear ones, this will have been my first blog post of many. I hope it suits you well to know that, at this time, I am in Kitsilano, Vancouver. I am beginning again. I will be sending out a newsletter often, so if you had signed up for Alana the tattoo artist, know now that it is remaining, but also alongside Alana the channel.
I will also say that, for some time, I have been procrastinating my blog till now! So come one come all and feel what I have been privileged to have learned. It is continual as well, so check in often for new content.
Here is what I will describe for day 1. Business as usual, I was up before the sun came up, channeling and singing into what is to come.
My vision is this. A set of agreements to myself that I will,
1) Speak up
2) Say it with heart
3) Invite others to comment as well
4) Conclude that there will be, no conclusion to these never ending tides.
From there, I begin.
Today is not only the first day of my blog, but also the first day I will publish it. No surprise to me, I have no idea how this will be done. I guess I'm about to see.
Thank you to the spirit realm, and guides Saint Francis Assisi for my deep lesson today in the tricks the minds can play when the heart isn't watching.
The heart is not always watching, you see. But it is always aware of something. Today my heart wanted me to play deeper, challenge softer. And speak more. Today is the day I start.
And since I have already begun much before this new website has, there will be a lot to unfold.
For now I leave you with this prayer.
Have heart, dear traveller, that you are the one you need the most. Never regret the past, for it has brought you the present, and will assist in your future. Never deny your short comings, for they may be the path toward your rareness. Your uniqueness is always a gift, no matter how brave you have yet to be.
In Light, yours,
St. Francis Assisi